It’s about time that the folks over at Big Idea had a big idea about creating a live-action VeggieTales. Because Bob and Larry are probably busy writing the script and getting the specs together, I decided to do them a favor and go ahead and cast the movie. Without further delay, the next Academy Award winning cast:
Bob the Tomato-Tom Hanks
Would anyone be better for this role? No. Hanks is the definition of class and sophistication, being able to act uptight while still giving a certain playfulness as the role of Bob the Tomato. Bob, the eternal straight man, will be given extra life with Sleepless in Seattle and Saving Mr. Banks at the helm. And who wouldn’t want to watch a man named Tom play a tomato?
Larry the Cucumber- Dax Shepard
When I think of Bob and Larry, I think of a seasoned veteran next to a passionate, playful, and wet-behind-the-ears up and comer. Who better to match Tom Hanks than Mr. Parenthood himself, Dax Shepard? He exudes goofiness, vulnerability, and optimism: the wonderful quality traits of our favorite cucumber. And, if we’re lucky, we’ll get Kristin Bell, Shepard’s wife, to make a cameo.
Junior Asparagus- Ty Simpkins
This one is a coup. Relatively unknown but coming off his starring debut in Jurassic World, Ty supplies the boyish charm and hair that Junior Asparagus portrays as he learns to share and love his neighbor and not be afraid of the Boogie Man. If Simpkins can run away from dinosaurs with such believability, surely he can lose his rubber ducky and be hit with pie on the frontline with just as much gusto.
Archibald Asparagus- Idris Elba
Archibald Asparagus always gets the short straw. Larry is forever bringing down a rain of terror upon Archibald’s planned silly songs, portraying him as uptight and unable to maintain control of the various vegetables. With Idris Elba in the role, Archibald will finally have the commanding authority of a potential James Bond on his side. Elba, who somehow marries elegance and forcefulness in a storm of command with his acting, will have the opportunity to stretch his resume to include that of an uptight vegetable.
Pa Grape- Robert De Niro
This one is obvious.
Mr. Lunt- Chris Pratt
Pratt is obviously the world’s leading movie star right now. However, some are wondering if he has the ability to play a character other than the happy-go-lucky, All-American good guy killing dinosaurs and working for small town governments. Mr. Lunt is his opportunity. In the DVD commentary for The Wonderful Wizard of Ha’s (you can fact check me) Phil Vischer, the creator and voice for Mr. Lunt, states that he feels like he has a small Mr. Lunt inside of him speaking the lines. He is a unique character and will be an interesting role for Pratt to tackle. For one, where are his eyes? I have seen actors portray blindness very well (think Denzel in Book of Eli or Wayne Brady in the Disney Channel Original Movie Going to the Mat), but I have never seen an actor play a role in which he can see but does not have any eyes. Truly, this has Academy Award written all over it.
Minor (but Well-Loved) Characters:
Jimmy and Jerry Gourd- Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill
This is pretty much identical to the formula that audiences love in Jumpstreet. Except this time they are gourds and fly on a spaceship with a flying meteor of popcorn hurtling at them.
Phillipe and Jean Claude Pea- Steve Martin and Martin Short
There have been SNL skits that have spun-off into movies, but are there movie parts that have spun-off into SNL skits? This could be the first.
Mr. Nezzer- Craig T. Nelson
Nelson can be stately like Parenthood or even cruel like the judge in the series finale of Monk, perfect for the range of characters that have been thrust upon this obtuse zucchini. He will also supply a great register for The Bunny Song and a commanding yet sweet interpretation of King Nebby.
Dad and Mom Asparagus- Hugh Laurie and Geena Davis
Immortalized on-screen parents thanks to Stuart Little.
Madame Blueberry- Joan Cusack
Joan Cusack could be the greatest quirky character actor of all time. She will put on a French Accent, some blue eye shadow and fill this role superbly.
Petunia Rhubarb- Lupita Nyong’o
Larry’s love interest needs to be someone self-aware yet kind, graceful yet strong. Nyong’o will crush this role like a peanut shell on the floor of a Texas Roadhouse.
Love the casting? Disagree with it? Comment with suggestions below!