Pop! A Cultured Poem

There are 38 total pop-culture references in this poem... can you find them all? (PS There's a cheat sheet at the bottom)

--

The screen shows us a whole new world every day

But the tabloids show us circumspect marriages

Simpson, Lochay

Your pay grade turns you into Tina Fey

Affording thirty rocks for thirty women

You’re now Alec Baldwin playing words with friends with benefits on private planes

Being a fox and hounding for a few girls at nice bars

It’s always rush hour to get what’s ours

We’re a blurry eyed Frogger dodging all these cars

Some have luck and gain the upper hand

Chris Tuck Jackie Chan

But everyone ends up settling at the wrong port,

Man, we’re far and away from what we wanted

Courting for amiable but coming up daunted

If we choose wrong on decision day

We fear we’ll die alone and without love

Padme

Fearless outside, cringing inside

Two paths diverged in the forest

And we just went in-n-out without precision

Double doubling back out of fear of failure and indecision

Robbed of youth, the Jack Frosty winter created a pin

Anyways, who let all this Wendyness and dogs in?

Baha Men

We hide low hoping no one will notice

Our personal winter makes us retreat from friends

Milo and Otis

Everything becomes out of focus in this dog-eat-dog world

We’re hurled out to drown all the while swimming homeward bound

Only wanting a brown-eyed girl

And one thing more: a son

Driving in our mini Van down by the river

Chris Farley

Each Saturday Night feeling aLive

With a fat paycheck in a Little Harley

That’s hardly making it, guys

What good does Botox, beer bellies, and Home Improvement do

If you’re cranky, Santa Clause?

Wait and pause.

Dan Akroyd couldn’t even save Christmas for you.

Ooh, ghost busted

But trust your insides have made an asteroid and it’s Hurtling at you.

You’re crushed way out to infinity and beyond and become Lost

Tom Sawyer couldn’t find you for how far you’ve been tossed down the river of success

You’ve been painting your white-picket fence whiter

Hoping for designer jeans that are tighter, a life that is lighter, and cars that are brighter

You’ve been deceived by the ultimate Liar, Liar

They say, “It’s all true, man! Your life is your show!”

You’re handed a thousand niceties

And told you’re the real Bruce Almighty.

Please.

You’re getting tired

But only your Carrie Diary knows it

You’ve been sitting in the Capital’s prim and rose-colored pit

One explosion, one economic downturn and that could be the end of this

You know the truth but are afraid to admit it

More gain will not make you a Free Man

Shawshank

You seek redemption from the bank but not the Almighty

Evan

A spinning Steve Carousel of thrills doesn’t lead you to heaven

But makes you damned in real life

You put more money in your pocket but only come up with more strife

Just stop.

Be a Gilmore Girl and seek out Tuck Everlasting life.

 

--The Cheat Sheet--

 

The screen shows us a whole new world every day

But the tabloids show us circumspect marriages

Simpson, Lochay (#RememberWhenTheyDidTheWholeNewWorldCover?)

Your pay grade turns you into Tina Fey

Affording thirty rocks for thirty women

You’re now Alec Baldwin playing words with friends with benefits on private planes

(Remember when he was kicked off the plane for playing words with friends/ "Friends with Benefits" starring Justin Timberlake)

Being a fox and hounding for a few girls at nice bars ("Fox and the Hound"...a classic)

It’s always rush hour to get what’s ours

We’re a blurry eyed Frogger dodging all these cars

Some have luck and gain the upper hand

Chris Tuck Jackie Chan ("Rush Hour")

But everyone ends up settling at the wrong port,

Man, we’re far and away from what we wanted (Natalie Portman starred alongside Tom Cruise in "Far and Away")

Courting for amiable but coming up daunted

If we choose wrong on decision day ("Divergent")

We fear we’ll die alone and without love

Padme (Natalie Portman also starred in "Star Wars" as Padme)

Fearless outside, cringing inside

Two paths diverged in the forest

And we just went In-N-Out without precision

Double doubling back out of fear of failure and indecision (for the Non-Californian: In-N-Out is the best)

Robbed of youth, the Jack Frosty winter created a pin (Robert Frost "The Road Not Taken")

Anyways, who let all this Wendyness and dogs in?

Baha Men ("Who Let the Dogs Out" AKA A Great Karaoke Song) 

We hide low hoping no one will notice

Our personal winter makes us retreat from friends

Milo and Otis

Everything becomes out of focus in this dog-eat-dog world

We’re hurled out to drown all the while swimming homeward bound ("Homeward Bound"...that fire scene is still scary)

Only wanting a brown-eyed girl

And one thing more: a son (Read "more: a son" out loud. Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl")

Driving in our mini Van down by the river

Chris Farley (The Inspirational Speaker skit on SNL)

Each Saturday Night feeling aLive

With a fat paycheck in a Little Harley ("Tommy Boy")

That’s hardly making it, guys

What good does Botox, beer bellies, and Home Improvement do

If you’re cranky, Santa Clause? (Tim Allen starred in "Home Improvement," "The Santa Clause," and "Christmas with the Kranks")

Wait and pause.

Dan Akroyd couldn’t even save Christmas for you.

Ooh, ghost busted (Dan Aykroyd saved Christmas in "Christmas with the Kranks")

But trust your insides have made an asteroid and it’s Hurtling at you.

You’re crushed way out to infinity and beyond and become Lost (Hurtling=Hurley from "Lost"/Tim Allen is also the voice for Buzz Lightyear, who says "To infinity and beyond!")

Tom Sawyer couldn’t find you for how far you’ve been tossed down the river of success

You’ve been painting your white-picket fence whiter (In the Mark Twain classic, Tom Sawyer is famous for convincing neighborhood kids to paint a white fence for him)

Hoping for designer jeans that are tighter, a life that is lighter, and cars that are brighter

You’ve been deceived by the ultimate Liar, Liar

They say, “It’s all true, man! Your life is your show!” ("The Truman Show")

You’re handed a thousand niceties

And told you’re the real Bruce Almighty. (Jim Carey starred in "Liar, Liar," "The Truman Show," and "Bruce Almighty")

Please.

You’re getting tired

But only your wimpy kid diary knows it ("Diary of a Wimpy Kid")

You’ve been sitting in the Capital’s prim and rose-colored pit (Primrose dies in the Capital by an explosion in "Hunger Games"...SO. SAD.)

One explosion, one economic downturn and that could be the end of this

You know the truth but are afraid to admit it

More gain will not make you a Free Man (Morgan Freeman starred in "The Shawshank Redemption")

Shawshank

You seek redemption from the bank but not the Almighty

Evan

A spinning Steve Carousel of thrills doesn’t lead you to heaven

But makes you damned in real life (Steve Carrell starred in "Evan Almighty" and "Dan in Real Life")

You put more money in your pocket but only come up with more strife

Just stop.

Be a Gilmore Girl and seek out Tuck Everlasting life. (Alexis Bledel starred in both "Gilmore Girls" and "Tuck Everlasting")