I don’t know what I’m writing. I’ve been up since 4:30 this morning writing a term paper. I should be in bed but I just keep thinking.
Thinking about what, I’m not exactly sure. Or, rather, I’m not sure how to put it into words. I just think something needs to be said.
I think a lot of times writing can be empty and void of any real meaning. I go through drafts and edits and revisions and days and sometimes weeks before a post makes it onto the website. Even the ones that talk about vulnerability and transparency get popped into a magic incubator and emerge polished and shiny.
So I wanted to write a post and put it on the website before I fell asleep tonight. I want to write it real quick with minimal edits (you know, spell check and comma splices and all that) because I don’t want to seem polished in my thoughts and questions all the time.
So yeah. If my life is a rough draft, why should this post be any different, you know? And rough drafts are messy and fun, anyways.
Please just know that I am really, really trying to follow Jesus. I know there are a lot of people saying a lot of different things about what it looks like to follow Jesus, and I know I don’t have all the answers, but I promise you I am trying to listen for his voice. I don’t always succeed. I often fail and sin and talk bad about people or fail to be a good role model or avoid difficult conversations. I tell dirty jokes sometimes and listen to dirty jokes when I shouldn’t sometimes, too.
But I want you to know I am trying. I don’t always know what it looks like to really love Jesus, but I think the key may not be knowing it but actually doing it. Like if you want to ride a bike you have to actually get on a bike and ride the thing.
If you are riding a bike with me, way to go! I think I am really wobbly and sometimes crash into bushes or flip over the handlebars, but I think it is okay. Forgiveness is a really good band-aid. And God has an infinity amount of band-aids.
I don’t know how I know you. I don’t even know if I know you. But I want you to know that I love Jesus and I’m not polished (also I’m not Polish… have you ever noticed how those words are so similar?).
Please ride bikes with me. It is okay if you are wobbly; in fact, if you are it will make me feel a little bit better.