16 Feats To Accomplish In 2016

1.     Build an entire city with trampolines instead of roads and moon bounces instead of sidewalks.

2.     Go hot tubbing on the wing of a plane. Listen to “I’m On a Boat” for irony.

3.     Invent bubblegum that never loses its flavor. Call it “Gum and Gummer.” Create a second version called “Gum and Gummer Too,” but make sure critics don’t like it as well as the first.

4.     Paint a picture that’s so lifelike it makes people think the real world is only a painting and your painting is the real world (aka prove Plato wrong).

5.     Open a dating website and call it “eBae.”

6.     Open a Kendrick Lamar themed honey store called “Bee Don’t Kill My Hive.”

7.     Be Emma Watson’s wing-woman/man, and every time she introduces you say, “I’m her Wing woman/man, or her Wingardium Leviosa Woman/Man.” But pronounce it wrong so she has to correct you.

8.     Breed an entire school of sharks that cannot stay synchronized and call them “Superbowl Sharks” and tour the country, only playing #ROAR by Katy Perry on loop.

9.     Have a child and name him or her “Meme” in order to gain internet fame.

10. Win the 2016-2017 NBA scoring title and sign a lifetime contract with Ben and Jerry’s.

11. O.S.I.A.F.T.E.Y. (Only Speak in Acronyms for the Entire Year)

12. Buy a dog and name it “Kit.” Then buy a cat and call it “Kat.”

13. Open a real estate agency called “Sherlock’s Homes.” Then every time you give someone a tour of the house, sporadically start yelling “MORIARTI!!” around corners.

14. Visit the Pope and break into a “Pump Up the Jam” remix but replace “Pump” with “Pope.”

15. Open up a shopping website called “The Amazon,” in which people can purchase items from the actual Amazon.

16. Meet Phil Knight (founder of Nike) in Oregon and go out to eat at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of the meal, dare Phil Knight to “knight” the person at the table next to you. Both of you will chuckle and he will refuse because he does not want to embarrass himself. Encourage him to do it by saying, “Just do it!”


Have any to add? I would love to hear them!